I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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