Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
