just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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