i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A bitchslap is in order.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize