the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
