i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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