i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
