8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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