it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
