I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
