Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
