I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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