Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
