I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
