I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
