Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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