Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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