So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
