how hairy? two words: wookie tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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