You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My feet surprised me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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