My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
