..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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