I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
