How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
