There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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