you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
