Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
