I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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