just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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