I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
