probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
