so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
