Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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