I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
