Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
