If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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