Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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