my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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