Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
