Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
