she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
