no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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