onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize