my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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