god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
