Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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