Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
