Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
