Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone shit on the floor
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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