I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
