This is not my ceiling
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
