well you can't waste a boner
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
