Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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