Just cropdusted the office
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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