please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
