just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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