I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
