I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
