it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Text me some of your sweat
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