I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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