i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
