Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
