I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
