your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
