Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize