And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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