you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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