Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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