I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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