i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
