Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
